Monica : Thank you. Ok, what does it mean for a Buddhist to give birth to a child?
Luang Por : Buddhism regards a birth not only as a natural process. We consider that everyone is reborn because of the cycle of life and death. As long as the driving force remains, one continues to be reborn in order to learn the truth of life that would lead to the final stage, or the end of birth. The more often we are born, the more suffering we encounter. Birth is the origin of many other kinds of suffering such as aging, sickness, death, separation from loved objects, facing unpleasant things and torment from unfulfilled desire. Consequently, a human birth is not only natural, but also has the purpose of seeking to cease birth itself. This Buddhist view is neither pessimistic nor optimistic, but rather realistic. The reality is that suffering coexists with birth. Our birth is not directed by anyone, but it is the matter of karma or retribution for our past deeds. Physically, birth starts from a father and a mother who have a sexual relationship, or in Dhamma terms, physical intercourse where the refined body is given an opportunity to incarnate.
Monica : Can you tell me if the Buddhists have any birth rituals, and why you do or do not have them?
Luang Por : Traditional Buddhists have no rites associated directly or indirectly to birth because we are taught not to force the newborn child to become a new Buddhist. However, everyone is subject to learning the ‘know- how’ in order to achieve one’s goal of ending rebirth. Some families believe that inviting monks for food offerings on a family member’s birthday will make the day auspicious, and will earn them merit. Sometimes they may request the monks to name their child. Ultimately, the principle is that the parents have to raise their children with care. They are also obliged to educate their children on how to be a good person in society and achieve the goal of ending rebirth.
Monica : Is it an issue what the child was in his former life? Does it any matter to the parents if they come from terrible background in a former life?
Luang Por : Actually, it’s hard for parents to know about the past lives of their child. They never know where the child was from. What they do know is that they have to care for their child with love and warmth, as well as teaching the child according to the Dhamma. However, if they find out later on that their child was from an unwholesome realm such as the realm of animals, they should simply accept the truth. Although they might feel unfortunate, it is a good opportunity for them to guide their child for improvement in the present and the future.
Monica : Do Buddhist parents expect their children to come from a good past life?
Luang Por : Buddhist parents are similar to all other parents. They expect their child to have come from a good realm.
Monica : What does the Buddhist scripture teach parents about how they should raise or have children?
Luang Por : The Lord Buddha taught that parents should feed them not only with food, but they should also teach their child to abstain from misdeeds such as killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, false speech, consumption of alcohol and narcotics, and involvement in any other unwholesome allurements. These are the first steps. For the next step, they have to teach their child to do only good deeds including practicing generosity, observing precepts, and meditating. Thirdly, parents should support their child’s education to the highest level. The fourth step is that parents should advise their child on how to choose a promising spouse. Significantly, due to their long experience in married life, the parents should help their sons and daughters to find a consort who is relevant to them in four aspects: faith, precepts, attitude, and belief, so they can live together harmoniously. Lastly, provide the children with property in a timely manner so as to be invested in the future. The parents should also suggest how to earn, spend and save money.
Monica : In my travels I have seen different birth traditions around the world, in different religions. I just wonder, are there any spiritual differences in having a boy or a girl for Buddhist parents?
Luang Por : What do you mean by “spiritual differences”?
Monica : Spiritual, well...I don’t know if that’s the proper word. But I was thinking about whether they have different responsibilities, or if one sex is more important than the other, because a lot of other religions think that. I just wondered if it’s something that’s considered in Buddhism as well.
Luang Por : In Buddhism, we do not worry about the child’s gender since it has nothing to do with the parents’ spiritual progress and prosperity. Indeed, it depends on whether the parents follow the teachings of the Lord Buddha. Parents will be happy if their children show gratitude towards them as a result of their teaching, and if their children are capable, well-behaved, and successful in their career and education. The Lord Buddha also taught that children should make merit and dedicate to their parents who have already passed away.
